Endless Taxonomy of Songs Stuck in My Head Every Day, Volume 5

“If You’ve Got the Time, Country Version II F” Bill Backer/Johnny Mack|1971|Miller High Life Period: 5:30 a.m. to present Frequency: 1:1 Accuracy: Perfect Volume: Unavoidable Who is responsible: Unknown Could be Worse, Could Be: Whatever they do at Coors. Ever watch Mad Men? The guy that wrote this commercial jingle was Don Draper. He actually…

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Endless Taxonomy of Songs Stuck in My Head Every Day, Volume 4

“Take Me Home Country Roads” John “No, I Really Can Fly This Plane” Denver|1971|RCA Records Period: 3:30 a.m. to 5:00 a.m. Frequency: 1:6 Accuracy: Dead one Volume: Meh Who is responsible: [My Attorney] Could be Worse, Could Be: Sunshine on My Shoulders Not a fan. Though I was. When I was a kid. When I…

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Endless Taxonomy of Songs Stuck in My Head Every Day, Volume 3

“Age of Aquarius” 5th Dimension|1969|Soul City Records Period: 3:30am to present Frequency: 1:1 Accuracy: Poor Volume: Conversational Someone posted that meme with a picture of a garden with the phrase ‘this is the awning of the cage of asparagus’ and the song bloomed in my mind and now it’s there. Why was I awake at 3:30 in the…

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Shit I Want from my Government

Free healthcare. No strings. All of it. Free. Free education through the second year of college. Free public transportation in metro areas and to get to work. Election day as a Federal Holiday. State elections as State Holidays. Corporations may get tax breaks if they fund the above AND build, staff, and maintain important facilities…

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Endless Taxonomy of Songs Stuck in my Head Every Day, Volume 2

“Shoop” Salt-N-Pepa|2009|Island Records Period: 5:45 to present Frequency: 5:1 Volume: Overwhelming Shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop.shoop shoop shoop shoop.shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop. Shoop. What you gonna do?

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L.A. Confidential in Black and White

Film Noir is kind of a thing for me. I hope that you are reading this article long after I publish my film noir sci-fi masterpiece and that’s why you’re here so right now you’re all like duh, Garlington. But if not, well, dig it: I’m into noir. I like classic black and white movies…

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Analog Attorney Number 08

I got a handwritten note in the mail the other day from a colleague. We live in the same neighborhood in Chicago, text about 30 times a week, and see each other at least once a month. However, we play Words With Friends with ferocity and two days before, I’d played high scoring tiles across…

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Endless Taxonomy of Songs Stuck in my Head Every Day, Volume 1

Mutual of Omaha Theme Unknown|Ancient|Who Cares? Period: 8:30 am to present Frequency: 1:1 Volume: Hushed How? How the holy living Goddam hell does a T.V. theme song no one’s heard since 1979 get stuck in my head? I must’ve read the word Omaha. That’s how it happened. I need to be careful. What if I’d read…

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